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of business and finance and therefore is subject to
some murky laws throughout the globe. He explained, ,,Shoddy service which affects a person’s
financial well being will be met with lawsuits.
We are now talking commerce — not some offthe-wall thing like USENET that appeals to
kooks, psychopaths, social misfits and wild-eyed
professors.“ Mr. Barrister doesn’t like professors.
,,I take it,“ I told them, ,,that the long term trend
here is that ISPs and online service either become
as good as they claim they are — or face a fierce
judge. Right?“ All heads were nodding up and
down emphatically.
is a day late and a dollar short. The new Corel suite uses Java in all of its units, WordPerfect, Quattro Pro, Corel Chart and their Client/Server
applications. Mr. Gates and his crew don’t know
which way to jump when it comes to Java. So they
just hunker down like an ostrich and put their
head in the sand.“
Mr. Contrarian takes up for all lost sheep and
hopeless causes. He did so again by standing up
for the Lotus SmartSuite 97, which is also soon
to be released — they say. He said, ,,And please
don’t forget our friends at IBM. You treat IBM
like a world power treats a third-rate company.
Z A contested ,,no contest“
But there is gold in IBM’s bank vaults and they
All of the dressed-in-green wee ones were pretty aren’t about to back down from Microsoft the Gowell tuned into the meeting now. The day before liath.“
I had read what seemed like several reams of news
It spoke volumes that no one else joined this
releases from Corel, Microsoft and Lotus about
fray.
The Leprechauns appreciate Mr. Contrarian,
their new suite applications for 1997. I now asked
the Leprechauns what they thought of the ,,Suite but it was obvious they agreed with Mr. Leicitis
that Corel and Lotus were merely going through
Wars.“
the motions, trying to keep a base they already
Mr. Leicitis, known for his straight talk and own from deserting ship.
telling it like it is, was the first to answer, saying
,,And the winner izzzz — Microsoft by five furThe long-term trend? If you don’t have
longs in a six-furlong race. Office 97 is a major Microsoft Office now — you will. Office 97 is folleap forward in all of suites — Word, Excel, Ac- lowing the old tried and true course. On any gicess, PowerPoint and so many Internet web ser- ven product Microsoft has to make several
vice applets that one would think the world releases, usually three or four, before they get it
revolves around the web. Sorry my friends — the right. But when they finally get it right, it’s curworld still revolves around the sun. But Microsoft tains for real competition.
has successfully sold illusions to us for years and
they’re armpit-deep in selling us another one.“
As Mr. Leicitis says, ,,Microsoft doesn’t win
This brought a retort from Mr. Contrarian because of their initial product or idea. They win
who stood up for the soon-to-be-released Corel because of deep pockets and a marketing strategy
Java Suite. ,,Actually Mr. Mr. Leicitis, Microsoft that tramples everything in sight.“ ❏
,,And the winner izzzz
— Microsoft by five
furlongs in a
six-furlong race. Office
97 is a major leap
forward in all of suites
— Word, Excel, Access,
PowerPoint and so
many Internet web
service applets that one
would think the world
revolves around the web.
Want to communicate
with Evan and his band
of Leprechauns? You
can contact him at:
CompuServe:
Evan Mahaney
72233,1126
or Internet:
[email protected]
Phrases that need translating
,,Only a handful of solution providers would have actually opened the file and would have been
exposed to the Wassu virus.“ [Steven Fox, Microsoft marketing manager about a virus sent to 9500 Microsoft
CD-ROM testers.]
Translation: Don’t fret — nobody reads this stuff anyway.
,,[Apple Computer] continues on the road to recovery, but won’t start growing again until 1998.“
[Chairman Gilbert F. Amelio talking of Apple’s future.]
Translation: We’ve written this year off so the only thing we can hope for is a miracle in 1998.
,,The reason for a [later] release date is that we’re broadening the charter of NetImpact Studio.“ [Dave Boswell,
vice president of Sybase Powersoft Development Tools Division about missing a release date.]
Translation: We missed another release date because we screwed up but simplicity and honesty are
not words we understand.
,,It’s fantastic that there are pretenders to the PC throne.“ [Microsoft vice president Steve Ballmer speaking to Hewlett-Packard customers.]
Translation: Humility is for other companies. Microsoft does not recognize the word ,,humility“. It’s
not in our vocabulary.
,,[People are] too damned cheap. To be honest, we chickened out.“ [Microsoft’s Slate magazine editor
Michael Kinsley about deciding not to charge people who visit the Slate site on the web.]
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