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FNORD USER’S MANUAL ATTENTION MAIL ORDER CUSTOMERS: Every effort has been made to assure your Fnord is a proper fit the first try. However, without a “hands-on fitting” by a certified Fnordtician it may be necessary to try more than one garment. THIS IS NOT UNUSUAL. Occasionally multiple fittings may be required. If it happens that your Fnord is not the proper size, just call our office Monday through Friday, 10 AM – 5 PM at 1-800-634-2590 and ask for the fitting department. Our experienced fitters will be able to assist you in determining the proper size from the information you give as to how the first garment was not satisfactory. Please do not become discouraged or send Fnords back before calling out fitting department. REMEMBER… up to now, how long have you waited for a Fnord that REALLY FITS! WEARING YOUR FNORD: To insure a perfect fit each time you wear your Fnord, please follow these instructions: - Unlock super energy reverse polarizer at shoulder strap clasps. - Extend straps to longest length. - Put Fnord on and fasten in back (or fasten in front and turn around). Be sure to fasten in second row of hooks. This should be a very snug fit. - Lean forward and let the Fnord warm up to operating temperature. - Still leaning foreword, shake your breast tissue until it is completely in the Fnord-cups. Please allow a little room in Fnord-cup for the firming you may experience within the next two weeks. - Tighten the straps while you are still leaning foreword to insure that the breast tissue stays in the Fnord-cup. - Gentlemen, your fitting is easy. Simply stuff the Fnord-cups with socks until firm. WASHING INSTRUCTIONS: Washing in warm water is recommended. You may machine wash on gentle cycle. DO NOT BLEACH. Air dry. Do not place in a dryer or in the hot sun for drying. WARRANTY: A warranty card is located on the Fnord packaging. Complete the postage paid card and return it to our home office and become a registered warranty costumer. Your Fnord will then be guaranteed for workmanship and defects for six full months. In addition, you will receive your discount coupon worth $2.00 towards your next purchase. You should be completely satisfied with your Fnord. If not, remember our Fnordticians are only a phone call away 1-800-634-2590. FNORDINGLY YOURS, Pope Rev. St. Syn, KSC Omni-Benevolent Polyfather of Obscenity in Titanium Uber-Sub Agent ELF Purple Ops Division High Insect Necromancer of the Synaptyclypse Generator Sect Episkopos Battlepope General in Chief Super Mecha-Fashion Consultant of Fnord Inc. (K) Kopyleft – All Rights Reversed. For more information, go to our website at www.23ae.com! Hail Eris!
